EMOTIONS

As of today, July 26^th, 2014 I have a disease.

Please continue reading this post before you get the wrong impression.

On Friday the 25^th, Madame Doroth kindly pointed out to me that on the 26^th I would have a disease that will last a lifetime. And no, it’s not the kind of disease you are thinking of. Madame Doroth called it the disease of missing, and it’s actually a pretty rare thing here in Tanzania.

In Tanzania the cultural norm is to move on. Whether it’s lost loved ones or runaway dogs, here in Tanzania everyone is supposed to just move on. Regardless of how tragic the loss was, the people of Tanzania don’t show any emotion and continue to live their lives as if nothing ever happened.

But according to Madame Doroth, the same does NOT hold true for our loss. She told me, “You have all touched our hearts in a way that we will never forget. For every day we are not with you, we will miss you. Even though you are all over 1,000 miles away, please know every day we will miss all of you.” In a culture that frowns upon the grieving of lost loved ones, it was nothing but shocking to hear that they would feel that way.

With that being said, this was one of the hardest “goodbyes” I have ever experienced. It’s so incredibly hard to leave someone so important and meaningful in your life without a proper goodbye. I understand that sometimes things don’t go according to plan and a proper goodbye sometimes doesn’t happen. Friday was one of those things. Every goodbye was so chaotic and fast that it almost didn’t feel real. Due to a very tight schedule and just bad timing, we didn’t have time for a sorrowful and heartfelt goodbye.

Now that a good amount of time has passed and everything has somewhat slowed down, I have some time to think. I’m trying to figure out what all these different emotions are that are running through my head. But I can’t help but think this is for a reason. We don’t live in a perfect world; therefore, we can’t experience only positive emotions or perfect goodbyes. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the people that make you experience the most passionate emotions are the ones you truly care about. Even though I may struggle with these feelings, I’m grateful for these people and what they have brought into my life.