Letting Go

Yesterday, July 14, was our last day at the Cambodia Peace Orphanage. Saying goodbye to those amazing kids at CPO was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. To be honest, I have not experienced something even remotely close to what I experienced yesterday. When some of these kids said goodbye, they would hug you with all of their might and say something like, "Goodbye brother. Good luck, I love you. I miss you. I hope I can see you again." Having someone tell you that is honestly one of the greatest feelings a person can endure. 

After we said goodbye to each incredible person at CPO we somehow managed to get ourselves to the tuk tuks. Right as I got on the tuk tuk Nirot who is a little, tough guy came up to me in tears saying goodbye. I held Nirot's hand as we started driving away. Nirot was running as fast as he could for as long as he could while holding my hand as we were driving away. But it wasn’t long until Nirot couldn't keep up with the tuk tuk and unfortunately I had to let go. 

Going on this trip has changed the outlook of my life. These kids have inspired me to live my life a different way. These kids have taught me so much and I will never forget them. Thank you everyone who helped me on this incredible journey! I cannot wait to get home and share my incredible experiences with friends and family. 

Make It Count

It feels like we just got here. However, it feels like I have known these kids my entire life. Knowing most of their life stories and pretty much everything about them, I feel like I have known most of these kids my entire life. It feels like that because from the first day we got to the orphanage ALL of the kids greeted us with open arms, love in their hearts, and trust in their eyes. It is truly insane how much they trust me since they have only known me a short while. I know how much they trust me because like my mom always says,"The first and most important thing in any type of relationship is trust." And some of the kids at the orphanage and I have built some incredibly strong, trusting relationships. They have taught me things I will never forget.

As our last day at the orphanage comes right before our eyes, I have come to realize that these next 10 hours will most likely be that last time I will ever spend with these kids. So I have to live in the moment and make every single second count. It will be incredibly hard to say goodbye, but I know I am going to have to say that to these incredible kids at some point. Sadly, that point will be tomorrow.

Time

As each day goes by, I get closer and closer with the kids at the orphanage. Working and playing with the kids is a blast each day. I don’t think I have ever been so excited to wake up at 6:00 in the morning to go somewhere. I have been away from home for what feels like an eternity. I am not going to lie, I do get a little homesick from time to time. And it is nice to call someone brother and sister.

Today on July 7^th, we put up the walls and finished painting the first layer of the boys' new home. It is  incredibly motivating to see the huge smiles on some of these boys faces while you are working. A small tin house may not seem like an outstanding home in the States, but here, for these kids, a small tin house is a palace.

With that said, I have been feeling very guilty lately. I have been focusing a lot on what these kids don’t have and feeling bad for them and sort of guilty because I have so much. But I've realized that I shouldn’t focus on what they don’t have and instead focus more on what they do have. I have figured out something incredible that they do have. They have each other. I think that says something about these kids and how incredible they are.

I am trying to live in the moment as much as possible when I am at the orphanage because as each second goes by with these kids, I know there aren’t going to be many more. 

Physically and Mentally

Not only am I exhausted from working my butt off physically, I am exhausted working my butt off mentally. Today, I worked at an English school in the Slums. Creating lesson plans and preparing myself to teach a class brought me back to Nicaragua. It brought me back to Nicaragua because no matter how prepared you thought you were, you would always be incredibly surprised. For example, today I taught two hour-long classes at an English school in the slums. The kids in these classes were amazing. Their willingness to learn inspired me right away to try my absolute hardest and get as much done in that small hour window that I could.

In the afternoon we worked on the boys' house some more. We finished the roof and the foundation for the house. It is truly incredible to see the hard work that you put into something pay off right in front of your eyes. It’s even more incredible to see how thankful these boys are. Every time I set down a tool when I would get some water almost every boy would try to grab it and finish the job I was working on. I would literally have to chase them down and grab it from them! When they are not trying to help you build, they are profusely thanking you.

Old Saying Appears Once More

Lately I have been spending a lot of time with Roat. Roat is a 19-year-old male at the orphanage.  For a long time I have been saying how these kids at the orphanage and the students at Escuela Especial in Nicaragua have as much potential as you or me. However they do not have the opportunity that we do in America. And Roat is the perfect example. Roat is incredibly smart, athletic, has so much integrity, and is such a hard worker. I can only imagine how much Roat could accomplish if he lived in America where he had an equal amount of opportunity as he did potential.

On July 7^th we went to the market in the morning. I had no idea a market could be so scary. I always thought the customer was always right.  And boy was I wrong. That saying does not apply here in Cambodia. Here in Cambodia it’s whoever can yell the loudest ends up getting what they want. The market smelled, was unbearably hot, and was covered with bugs. Karen and I were in charge of getting 5 kilos of beef. At first, I felt a little weird bargaining for my food. I am not going to lie, I was a little hesitant telling the lady that was screaming and waving a rather large knife that what she was making me pay for meat was way too much and that she needed to lower her price. But after a while, I got used to telling these vendors how much I wanted to pay for our food.

Freedom and Genocide

Today is July 4^th, 2013 and the great United States is celebrating one of America’s proudest moments in American history: when we won our independence. Ironically, on July 3^rd when we went to the Toul Sleng Prison and the S21 Killing Fields, I was looking at Cambodia’s most tragic event in history. When Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge took over Cambodia, they committed an incredible amount of genocide. Pol Pot did not agree with some of the rules he had to follow from the Cambodian Government. He wanted total self-sufficiency in the country and thought the only way to do so was to kill anyone that was a scholar, had glasses, or even looked the slightest bit intelligent. When I was looking at the Toul Sleng Prison and the S21 Killing Fields, a sense of emptiness entered my body. To be honest I have never felt this stomach-dropping feeling before. While I was feeling such emptiness, all I could think of is how could someone have the audacity to do such a thing to his or her own people? Towards the end of the S21 Killing Fields tour, I started to get it together. I collected myself and my emotions while I was looking at one of the mass graves that Pol Pot and other Khmer Rouge soldiers used as a “burial location” when they executed their own people. I couldn’t help but realize how the grass and flowers still grow on top of these mass graves. 

With a country that has been wounded as badly as Cambodia, you would assume that the people would be very angry because of their past. That is not the case at all. The exchange of a smile in Cambodia is so phenomenal, it is almost hard to believe. As Lisa Marie so lovingly put it, ”The people of Cambodia live in the moment. Right there and right then. They do not think about tomorrow because they know that tomorrow could be terrible. So when there is any type of opportunity for them, they take it right away.” This explains what happened when we entered the orphanage for the first time. Everyone greeted us with open arms and a smile on their face that I will never forget. 

Sitting... And... Waiting... And Some More Waiting

After what felt like an eternity of a plane ride, I have made it to Seoul, South Korea! And with over a 12 hour layover in front of me, I feel like the only thing I can really do now is wait and find out how I am going to kill this layover. Killing time in a foreign airport is surprisingly challenging. Even though it is an international airport, not all the employees speak English all that well. So even the simplest tasks, like finding a bathroom or ordering food have become pretty challenging.